Into My Heart
by Konie
Summary: During the "R" movie, Usagi nearly dies...what would happen if she DID die, and wasn't brought back? AU-ish, and very sad...told in Hino Rei's point of view.


  
"Into my heart…"  
  
"It's alright, don't worry. I will make sure that the world and you are safe! After all, if I don't defend the world, who will?" Usagi stated as she turned around to face her friends, placing her hands in front of her brooch.   
  
"Usagi! If you use the Silver Crystal, You'll die!" I called back, trying to make her stop. 'There's got to be something I can do! Otherwise, my best friend, my princess will die for certain!' I thought, trying to come up with a way to help her. Suddenly, it dawned on me, "Mars Star Power!"  
  
"Yeah!" Venus agreed, catching on, "Everyone, help Sailor Moon! Give her your power!"  
  
"So we won't die!" I called.  
  
"That way," Mercury chimed in; "we'll make it back to the Earth!"  
  
"Everyone, together!" Jupiter agreed.  
  
Making our way against the speeding winds, we all walked to line up behind Usagi. 'We're always going to be behind you, Usagi, never forget that.'  
Linking hands, we called out, to give our remaining power to Sailor Moon.  
"Mercury Star Power!"  
"Mars Star Power!"  
"Jupiter Star Power!"  
"Venus Star Power!"  
Hearing us behind her, Usagi took her Crystal out of her brooch and held it high, seeming to the stars above us. "I'll never leave anyone alone ever again!!!" she yelled, a promise for when we made it back to Earth. 'But Usagi, you have never left anyone alone… how do you think we got to be best friends?'  
As the power surged through her and the Silver Crystal, her form changed to one that could better handle the energy, Princess Serenity. "Moon Crystal Power!"  
Each of our powers entered the Crystal, revitalizing it with our remaining powers, strengthening it. Serenity concentrated on making a barrier around our little asteroid, so that we could survive coming into the atmosphere, and in doing so, created intense white light that surrounded us, protecting us. As we fell, we gained more velocity, causing the energy needed to sustain the barrier to increase at an impossible rate. 'I can't die here! I have to save everyone!' Usagi though, willing herself to use more of her dwindling power. Looking around, Usagi seemed dazed, she couldn't breathe very well, like each breath took more and more energy than the last. The magnitude of the power that she used was too much for her to handle, and the Silver Crystal shattered into a million shards of glass, falling to the ground like snow. Rushing to her side, I took her into my arms. 'No! Don't be dead!' Her eyes had clouded over; she couldn't see anything…   
"Rei-chan, minna, I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you…" she said with her last breath. Disbelief shook through me, no, this couldn't be happening! Usagi wasn't supposed to die! What about being Neo-Queen Serenity, and what of Chibi-Usa?   
"Usagi! Wake up! You said that you'd save everyone!" I screamed, shaking her, as if that would bring her back, if I willed it hard enough, would she breathe again? "Usagi! Liar! You promised that you would save everyone!" I yelled again, maybe if I yelled loud enough, she'd hear me and come back… It was all I could do to not lash out at anyone around me; I'd probably have killed them, in the state I was in. "Usagi…I love you…don't leave me…please…you're my best friend…" I sobbed, holding her, cuddling her, caressing her hair. I had never really hugged her when she could hug me back…I had never told her that I care about her… I had always argued with her…  
"This isn't supposed to happen… Usagi's not supposed to die!" I said between sobs.  
Makoto put her arms around my shoulders; hugging me and making me release Usagi's body from my morbid embrace. "Don't worry, Rei-chan, the power of love and the Silver Crystal always bring her back to us."  
I couldn't be comforted, however. "Do you see her coming back to life? I just told her I love her, and the Silver Crystal is in a billion pieces, how can it ever help her?"  
Makoto turned to Mamoru; "You've got to do something." She said, begging him with her eyes to take some action.  
Turning his attention to his love, he bent down and kissed her, like Prince Charming in a fairy tale…and nothing happened. No magical person appeared to make her come back to life, no fairy, nothing. I thought that fairy tales had happy endings. Picking up his head, he looked surprised, "Nonda?" he said, gasping as he pulled away, "Nothing happened." Mamoru looked down that the girl cradled in his arms. So beautiful, vibrant in life, but no longer. There was no color returning to her lips and cheeks. No fluttering open of her shining blue eyes, nothing. He was holding his love's corpse.   
"Don't you see? Usagi's gone, the power of love and the Silver Crystal can't bring her back to us!" I yelled, hysterical.   
"There's got to be something that we can do! Ami-chan, do something on that computer of yours and do a scan of her body, maybe she's able to be saved!" Minako yelled, barking out orders… I guess that's her right, she's the next in line for leadership.  
Ami didn't need to be told, she had already been working on a program to scan a person to find medical ailments. Pinching her earring, she activated her visor to scan Usagi visually. After going over her body up and down at least five times, Ami reported her findings to us… she started sobbing, the went into 'doctor mode', where she was completely detached. "After searching as well as I can, I make my findings known. Usagi-chan can not be saved. She is already too far gone." After announcing this, she started sobbing again…"We lost the thing most dear to us after all…"  
"There's nothing that we can do? Nothing to save Usagi?" I asked aloud, to no one in particular.  
^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_  
  
Almost a year later…  
  
"Grandpa? Chad? Where are you guys? You need to help sweep the front!" I called running throughout the shrine.  
"Hey, Rei-chan! I saw them carrying some boxes into your room!" a young blonde girl called from the door.  
"Arigato, Minako-chan." I said, bowing quickly, showing my respect. I had never really thought before that Minako would be a good leader for us in the 30th century. She had been too much of a ditz, always goofing off. But since Usagi, she's proven her worth many times over. She's shown that she's a strong leader in Usagi's absence and legacy. Although, she will never replace Usagi. No one ever can. She was one-of-a-kind. Unique. Each of us is different, but she had been a completely different kind of person, so kind to everyone, even me. 'Be unique, just like everyone else.' I heard that from Usagi, when she was trying to be funny. I had yelled at her, calling her "Baka Usagi". But now, I realize how true that saying is. I had always been yelling at her, pushing her. I had only wanted her to be the best she could be… but now, because I didn't give her my best, she could never reach her potential…and it's all my fault. I had wanted to be leader, take her out of her rightful place… how foolish I had been. I had no idea how good I had it… in a brief instance, the very center of my life, my best friend, my princess, the one I was to protect, was gone. Not long after that, Ami was gone too. The memory is just so fresh in my mind, like Usagi's death too.   
^&^&^  
"Sorry I'm late! I saw this really cute guy on the way here!" Minako called, opening the sliding door to my room. Makoto and I had already been studying.  
"Yes, but you say that every time, Mina-P." Makoto said, grinning at her best friend.  
"I know…I know… I always try to make it here on time, but hey…" she said, looking around, "Where's Ami-chan? She's always the first one here."   
"I don't know, but it's odd that she's late." Makoto pointed out, glancing about.  
"She hasn't called?" Minako asked, nervousness building in her voice.  
Standing up abruptly, I barked, "There's something wrong, I'm checking this out."  
Grabbing my shoulder, Minako stopped me from running right away, "We need to investigate first. Let's try calling her on the communicators."  
"Right, then we can find out if she's in trouble or if she just had a late class or something." Makoto added, defending her best friend's position. She always does that now, and usually, Ami agrees with them. Only Usagi ever really put her faith in my intuition...  
Grabbing my wrist, I opened the link and called out, "Ami-chan, are you there? Answer please."  
Static.  
"Ami-chan, please respond."  
Static.  
"You're not getting a response?!? Mako, try yours." Minako ordered.  
"Alright," Makoto said as she complied.  
After no response, I decided to take some action. Something was definitely wrong. "I'm going over to Ami-chan's." I started towards the door of my room.  
"But she lives across town!" Minako said, shocked. She tried to stop me, but I was already down the stairs of the shrine.  
Running as fast as I possibly could, with each passing second, my intense apprehension increased. What could be so wrong? Emotions flowed through me on my three-mile trek, everything from fear to anger to nervousness. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me something was wrong, Ami wouldn't, no, she couldn't. Would she?  
Along the way, I asked my dear friend and protector, Usagi, to take care of Ami until I could get there.   
After nearly collapsing three times, I made it to Ami's penthouse apartment. Barging in through the unlocked door, I ran around, yelling and screaming for a response. I went to Ami's room, thinking that she had something happen to her in bed, but she wasn't under the covers. I checked the kitchen, and I noticed a little scalpel from her mother's graduation plaque...it was missing… No! I continued to scream, looking for Ami. Finally, I got a response. I heard a splash of water hitting the floor. I ran to the bathroom, and as I opened the door, water flowed out as I went in. I saw a heap of clothes, neatly folded sitting on the toilet seat. A piece of baby blue paper fell to the floor like a leaf from a tree. I caught it before I it hit the wet floor. I recognized the handwriting instantly. Ami's.   
  
My dearest friends~  
  
You know that I love you all, and that you are near to my heart. It is you that I am thinking of at this moment, and I wanted you to know the reason for this drastic action. After Usagi's tragedy, I couldn't really stand to breathe anymore. I couldn't stand to live anymore. I kept thinking that there was something more that I could have, should have done. I can not keep that thought out of my head. You all know that I got my first "B" last month. It was because I feel I can not do well anymore. It hurts too much to study, without Usagi to help or to cheer me up, everything has been pointless. Do not blame yourselves, you have done the best that you can do, and I appreciate that, thank you. I do love you all, and I shall meet you later, when we are reincarnated again, perhaps again as Sailor Senshi.  
  
Love from,  
Your Eternal Friend,  
Mizuno Ami  
  
Tears flowed freely down my face, no, Ami couldn't, no! I pulled open the shower curtain, finding the source of the splashing water. There was a reason for the neatly folded clothes and the missing scalpel. Ami was nude in the tub, which had been filled with water, now pinked with blood. She had slit both of her wrists. She had wanted to make sure that the bleeding couldn't be stopped, so she had cut up the wrists, not across. Impossible to stop the bleeding. No… Ami couldn't be…no… not dead. Not like Usagi. Ami was so sweet, so kind. She could never hurt another person, ever. And yet, her she was, forever asleep in the bathtub, with a book on the edge. Glancing at the cover, I realized that it was one of the books she was reading to learn of English history. Little Women. I had read that book, about sisterhood and togetherness. And yet, we'd never be together again, as a team, the Sailor Team.  
______  
After this realization, I turned numb. I couldn't feel anything. And that's how I feel today, numb, I don't feel any passion anymore. Nothing excites me. The world has gone from vibrant hues to gray. I want to die as well.   
But with this death wish would come the dishonor to Usagi and Ami's memory. Usagi had died so that I could live, and I couldn't betray her, not when she had sacrificed so much. To disappoint her would be worse than death.  
Each passing day grows worse and worse, everything I see reminds me of her or Ami. Like when Minako says the wrong proverb, I expect Ami to gently correct her. When I hear a gleeful laugh, I turn around to see Usagi, but I see some other girl. I often get angry too. How can everyone live their lives in ignorance, how dare they?  
Yes, I still fight the Negaverse. As do Venus and Jupiter. Every so often, we call for Usagi to use her sceptre and vanquish the youma. Or, we ask for Ami to do a scan of the enemy, to best fight it. Each time, this brings back the sadness, the memories. I go through each death in my mind's eye, over and over, thinking of what I could have and should have done to save them. I should have ran faster to save Ami. I should have realized what she planned to do. I should have…  
  
All the things I should have done, but didn't. Every second could have saved Ami or Usagi.  
____  
"Rei-chan? I said that they went in your room. Are you alright?" A voice broke into my thoughts.  
"Yes, I'm fine, Minako-chan."  
"You're thinking about Usagi-chan, aren't you?"  
"Yes. She never leaves my thoughts, Ami either. Everything I see reminds me of them."  
Minako put her arm around me, "We all miss them, even now, a year since Usagi and 6 months since Ami, I still break down, because I realize that there was nothing that I could have done to save them…But, even though I miss them, I'm usually not saddened to be reminded of them."  
This came as a surprise, how could she be content and I so miserable? How did she get over it?  
"Why is that?"  
"Because, when I'm reminded of Usagi-chan, I think that the entire world would be gone if she hadn't been willing to sacrifice herself for those she loved. She had the biggest heart that I've ever seen! When I think of Ami-chan, I laugh, I remember all those times I messed up my proverbs, and she corrected me. I'm not really sad anymore because I focus on the fun times and not on their downfalls. Besides, I know that they're somewhere, watching over us." Minako finished, smiling.  
How could something so profound come from her? She has changed so much because of everything. I think that she took it the hardest, because she never bared her pain to anyone, not even Makoto. Because of this, she has become a completely different person than she was before, a mixture. She was always smart, but now, she's taken up Ami's study habits, and now holds the highest marks at her school, and in the area. She's always happy and making friends, kind to everyone. But she still chases idols though. There's a little bit of Ami, Usagi, and herself in Minako now. So I guess, they both live on, in Minako, and in our memories and hearts. If we never forget the good times we've had, but still remember the bad.  
"Oh, and Rei-chan?" Minako snapped me once again from my thoughts.  
"Yes?"  
"Happy birthday." She said as she handed me a package. Opening the little box, my hands trembled, I hadn't even remembered my own birthday! Besides, I had never told Minako my birth ate. Only Ami knew…  
As I worked the lid off the box, I saw the gift inside. It was a framed photograph taken right after we had returned from the Arctic Circle and regained our memories. In the very center, Usagi and I were arguing, our tongues out. On either side of us, Makoto and Ami tried to make us stop. On the very far edge, Minako was making a "V" sign, grinning. How happy we had been then. Even though she and I argued so often, I loved her. Seeing this, remembering, I felt so overwhelmed. Like a Mack Truck had come and smacked into the side of my face.   
I realized that Minako was right. I had to be happy again. Ami and Usagi wouldn't want me to be like this. I had been so sad for so long, and it was pointless. I couldn't have given more power to Usagi, and I couldn't have run any faster to Ami's, and now I couldn't be sad any longer. Usagi had wanted me to be happy, or else she wouldn't have even thought about sacrificing herself for the world.  
  
I looked up at Minako though blinding tears, taking my eyes off the picture after an eternity. She was smiling, so brilliantly, just like Usagi had always done.   
"I did well, ne?"  
"Yes, Minako-chan, you did wonderfully." I said before the tears came again. Minako and Usagi had always been alike, but now, when I look at Minako, I sometimes see Usagi peeking out too. They both now, the only ones to, have gotten under my mask and seen the true me.  
  
As I felt Minako embrace me into a tight hug, I looked up at the sun, brightly shining, and the moon, wonderfully lit up in the sky. Thank you, for saving me Usagi…and for sending Minako to save my soul… from my self-imposed prison… Usagi, you will always be my best friend, but perhaps I'll let myself allow others that are still here, into my heart…  
  
  
  



End file.
